{"id":10530,"date":"2017-01-01T21:54:36","date_gmt":"2017-01-02T02:54:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/meganstrange.com\/?p=10530"},"modified":"2017-01-01T21:54:36","modified_gmt":"2017-01-02T02:54:36","slug":"book-review-reclaiming-conversation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/meganstrange.com\/?p=10530","title":{"rendered":"Book Review: Reclaiming Conversation"},"content":{"rendered":"

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This book review is a real conundrum. \u00a0I should be shouting from the rooftops…”Put down your phone!” “Close the tabs on your laptop” “Have a real conversation with a human!” \u00a0But…you might not recognize your need for that unless you read this review and hopefully the whole book. \u00a0Totally kidding…who doesn’t know that we are a generation that needs to lift our head, put down our phone, have real conversation that doesn’t include a “like” button??!! \u00a0My first read of 2017 was a great one! \u00a0I kicked off the year reading\u00a0Reclaiming<\/a> Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age<\/a><\/em> by Sherry Turkle. \u00a0I had previously read her book Alone Together<\/em> which I reviewed here<\/a> in 2013.<\/p>\n

I’m so grateful to revisit many of Turkle’s thoughts as it relates to conversation, real relationships, and depth of character apart from the digital life. \u00a0I decided to give it a whirl today and put my phone out of reach and out of sight. \u00a0I’m not a transplant surgeon, it’s not likely that anyone could ever need me immediately. \u00a0I was home today with my husband and our kids…my most precious treasures were all under the same roof with me, and all was well. \u00a0And…it’s almost 10pm at night and my cell battery is still somewhere north of 90%. \u00a0That’s pretty remarkable and I LOVED it. \u00a0So much so, I’ll give it another try tomorrow. \u00a0Today was January 1…that’s a great day to start new habits. \u00a0If I truly want the people in my life to know that I love and care for them deeply, I have to put an end to the digital intruder that is always competing for…and sadly often winning…my attention.<\/p>\n

I highlighted several things while reading and have posted those notes below…<\/p>\n

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  • \u201cWe had talk enough, but no conversation.\u201d \u00a0Samuel Johnson, The Rambler (1752)<\/li>\n
  • Face-to-face conversation is the most human\u2014and humanizing\u2014thing we do. Fully present to one another, we learn to listen. \u00a0It\u2019s where we develop the capacity for empathy. \u00a0It\u2019s where we experience the joy of being heard, of being understood. \u00a0And conversation advances self-reflection, the conversations with ourselves that are the cornerstone of early development and continue throughout life.<\/li>\n
  • Real people, with their unpredictable ways, can seem difficult to contend with after one has spent a stretch in simulation.<\/li>\n
  • Conversations is on the path toward the experience of intimacy, community, and communion. \u00a0Reclaiming conversation is a step toward reclaiming our most fundamental human values.<\/li>\n
  • We struggle to pay attention to each other, and what suffers is our ability to know ourselves.<\/li>\n
  • These days, we want to be with each other but also elsewhere, connected to wherever else we want to be, because what we value most is control over where we put our attention.<\/li>\n
  • Conversations of discovery tend to have long silences.<\/li>\n
  • For anyone who grew up with texting, \u201ccontinuous partial attention\u201d is the new normal, but many are aware of the price they pay for it\u2019s routines.<\/li>\n
  • Face-to-face conversation unfolds slowly. \u00a0It teaches patience. \u00a0We attend to tone and nuance. \u00a0When e communicate on our digital devices, we learn different habits. \u00a0As we ramp up the volume and velocity of our online connections, we want immediate answers. \u00a0In order to get them, we ask simpler questions, we dumb down our communications, even on the most important matters. \u00a0And we become accustomed to a life to constant interruption.<\/li>\n
  • Declaring and defending yourself is how you learn to be forthright.<\/li>\n
  • Boredom and anxiety are signs to attend more closely to things, not to turn away.<\/li>\n
  • More generally, the experience of boredom is directly linked to creativity and innovation. \u00a0I\u2019ve said that, like anxiety, it can signal new learning. \u00a0If we remain curious about our boredom, we can use it as a moment to step back and make a new connection, \u00a0Or it offers a moment, as von Kleist would have it, to reach out and speak a thought that will only emerge in connection with a \u00a0listener.<\/li>\n
  • Reclaiming conversation begins with reclaiming our attention.<\/li>\n
  • Solitude does not necessarily mean being alone. \u00a0It is a state of conscious retreat, a gathering of the self. \u00a0The capacity for solitude makes relationships with others more authentic.<\/li>\n
  • American culture tends to worship sociality.<\/li>\n
  • To mentor for innovation we need to convince people to slow things down, let their minds wander, and take time alone.<\/li>\n
  • Family conversation is where children first learn to see other people as different from themselves and worth of understanding.<\/li>\n
  • Parents need a fuller understanding of what is at stake in conversations with children\u2014qualities like the development of trust and self-esteem, and the capacity for empathy, friendship, and intimacy.<\/li>\n
  • This is our paradox. \u00a0When we are apart: hyper vigilance. \u00a0When we are together: inattention.<\/li>\n
  • \u201cEmotional intelligence has to become an explicit part of our curriculum.\u201d<\/li>\n
  • A lot is at stake in attention. \u00a0Where we put it is not only how we decide what we will learn; it is how we show what we value.<\/li>\n
  • Students avoid faculty in large part because students are anxious about the give-and-take of face-to-face conversation.<\/li>\n
  • There are some kinds of conflicts that only words can parse and resolve. \u00a0We have to think about preparing our students and employees to participate in these conversations. \u00a0No matter how rich and even subversive, the meme track can only take them so far.<\/li>\n
  • Begin by admitting vulnerability and then design new behaviors around it.<\/li>\n
  • \u201cI send you an idea and you comment on it and send it back is a different process than us talking about an idea together. \u00a0You lose the better idea that comes out of the exchange\u2026We underestimate how much we learn and read and take in of each other\u2019s breathing and body language and presence in a space\u2026Technology filters things out\u2026Breathing the same air matters.\u201d\u00a0Stage Director Liana Hareet<\/li>\n
  • Champion conversation in the day-to-day.<\/li>\n
  • Address the anxiety of disconnection.<\/li>\n
  • I have said that if we don\u2019t teach our children to be alone, they will only know how to be lonely.<\/li>\n
  • \u201cIn the end, we will be defined not only by what we create but by what we refuse to destroy.\u201d \u00a0John Sawhill, Conservationist<\/li>\n
  • To respond to an email by saying \u201cI\u2019m thinking\u201d says that you value reflection and you don\u2019t let yourself be rushed just because technology can rush you. \u00a0Emails and texts make quick responses possible; they don\u2019t make them wise.<\/li>\n
  • Create sacred spaces for conversation.<\/li>\n
  • Think of unitasking as the next big thing.<\/li>\n
  • Talk to people with whom you don\u2019t agree.<\/li>\n
  • This is our nick of time and our line to toe: to acknowledge the unintended consequences of technologies to which we are vulnerable, to respect the resilience that has always been ours. \u00a0We have time to make the corrections. \u00a0And to remember who we are\u2014creates of history, of deep psychology, of complex relationships. \u00a0Of conversations artless, risky, and face-to-face.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        This book review is a real conundrum. \u00a0I should be shouting from the rooftops…”Put down your phone!” “Close the tabs on your laptop” “Have a real conversation with a human!” \u00a0But…you might not recognize your need for that unless you read this review and hopefully the whole book. \u00a0Totally kidding…who doesn’t know that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,35,25,16,23,28,17,32],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10530","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-review","category-creative","category-education","category-family","category-generosity","category-integrity","category-leadership","category-marriage"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/meganstrange.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10530","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/meganstrange.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/meganstrange.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/meganstrange.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/meganstrange.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10530"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/meganstrange.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10530\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/meganstrange.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10530"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/meganstrange.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10530"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/meganstrange.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10530"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}