Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg is a book that I’d be wanting to pick up. I remember reading the news story about Sandberg’s husband passing away while they were on vacation. I remembered praying for her and her young children as they walked through that journey. This book is a great resource for people who are grieving…and want people to know that it’s ok to not be ok. Sandberg was very specific about what some of the hardest things were for their family as they began this unwelcome walk down the path of grief. She covered the gamut between the most thoughtful and most inconsiderate things that people said and did. Of course she also talked a lot about her community in her role at Facebook and that proved to be an interesting look at company culture surrounding families. I definitely picked up some thoughts for my own leadership to be able to serve families well in these situations. I appreciated Sandberg’s willingness to be so open to sharing this journey that has become her family’s new normal.
I highlighted several things while reading and have posted those notes below…
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“No one ever told me,” C. S. Lewis wrote, “that grief felt so like fear.” Location: 139
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Resilience is the strength and speed of our response to adversity—and we can build it. It isn’t about having a backbone. It’s about strengthening the muscles around our backbone. Location: 162
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We plant the seeds of resilience in the ways we process negative events. After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that three P’s can stunt recovery: (1) personalization—the belief that we are at fault; (2) pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life; and (3) permanence—the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever. Location: 221
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“Part of every misery,” C. S. Lewis wrote, is “misery’s shadow…the fact that you don’t merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer.” Location: 340
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I couldn’t understand when friends didn’t ask me how I was. I felt invisible, as if I were standing in front of them but they couldn’t see me. When someone shows up with a cast, we immediately inquire, “What happened?” If your ankle gets shattered, people ask to hear the story. If your life gets shattered, they don’t. Location: 457
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The two things we want to know when we’re in pain are that we’re not crazy to feel the way we do and that we have support. Location: 489
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Unlike non-question-asking friends, openers ask a lot of questions and listen to the answers without judging. They enjoy learning about and feeling connected to others. Openers can make a big difference in times of crisis, especially for those who are normally reticent. Location: 496
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Many people who had not experienced loss, even some very close friends, didn’t know what to say to me or my kids. Their discomfort being around us was palpable, especially in contrast to our previous ease. As the elephant in the room went unacknowledged, it started acting up, trampling over my relationships. If friends didn’t ask how I was doing, did that mean they didn’t care? Did they not see the giant muddy footprints and piles of manure? Location: 518
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Grief doesn’t share its schedule with anyone; we all grieve differently and in our own time. Location: 777
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Philosopher Søren Kierkegaard said that life can only be understood backward but it must be lived forward. Location: 960
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“When we are no longer able to change a situation,” psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl observed, “we are challenged to change ourselves.” Location: 1,106
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When we build resilience together, we become stronger ourselves and form communities that can overcome obstacles and prevent adversity. Collective resilience requires more than just shared hope—it is also fueled by shared experiences, shared narratives, and shared power. Location: 1,877
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To be resilient after failures, we have to learn from them. Most of the time, we know this; we just don’t do it. We’re too insecure to admit mistakes to ourselves or too proud to admit them to others. Instead of opening up, we get defensive and shut down. A resilient organization helps people overcome these reactions by creating a culture that encourages individuals to acknowledge their missteps and regrets. Location: 2,084