I picked up Relationships: A Mess Worth Making by Timothy Lane and Paul David Tripp as a free download from Amazon. With it being the beginning of a new year, strengthening and deepening relationships are on my list of items to aim for this year. In an age of technology, it’s easy to feel “connected” while not really having any deep conversations or relationships of accountability. I want to make sure my real relationships are receiving a lot more attention than my virtual relationships. This book is a great read and I have long been a fan of Paul Tripp’s writings and have read several of his articles over the years. This was a great book…not a quick read though because it is chock full of scripture and great points that take time to process. I was challenged to really consider my own contributions to relationships instead of what I hope to get from a relationship. The book is a valuable tool for your toolbox if you desire to become all that God created you to be. The perfect picture of community is God himself..the Trinity, three in one. God lives in community and we should too. Such a great book…I’d encourage you to pick it up and pick one up for a friend as well!
I highlighted several things while reading and have posted them below…
- Our aim is that this book will help you look through the shattered glass of our sin to see the glory of a Redeemer who is ever-present, always at work to rescue and change us.
- This side of heaven, relationships and ministry are always shaped in the forge of struggle.
- God has put people in your life and placed you in theirs. When you look back, you can see their imprint on your character.
- You have not become who you are all by yourself, which is why relationships are so important. They are inescapable and powerfully influential. The difficulty is that sin and grace coexist in all of them. Sin gets in the way of what grace can do, while grace covers what sin causes. Our relationships vividly display this dynamic mixture of gold and dross.
- God wants to bring us to the end of ourselves so that we would see our need for a relationship with him as well as with others. Every painful thing we experience in relationships is meant to remind us of our need for him. And every good thing we experience is meant to be a metaphor of what we can only find in him.
- You were made for relationships.
- In some way, all relationships are difficult.
- Each of us is tempted to make relationships the end rather than the means.
- We settle for the satisfaction of human relationships when they were meant to point us to the perfect relational satisfaction found only with God.
- There are no secrets that guarantee problem-free relationships.
- Skills and techniques appeal to us because they promise that relational problems can be fixed by tweaking our behavior without altering the bent of our hearts. But the Bible says something very different. It says that Christ is the only real hope for relationships because only he can dig deep enough to address the core motivations and desires of our hearts.
- At some point you will wonder whether relationships are worth it.
- The health and maturity of a relationship are not measured by an absence of problems, but by the way the inevitable problems are handled.
- A good relationship involves honestly identifying the sin patterns that tend to trouble it.
- God keeps us in messy relationships for his redemptive purpose.
- The fact that our relationships work as well as they do is a sure sign of grace.
- Scripture offers a clear hope for our relationships.
- Jesus was willing to be the rejected Son so that our families would know reconciliation. Jesus was willing to become the forsaken friend so that we could have loving friendships. Jesus was willing to be the rejected Lord so that we could live in loving submission to one another. Jesus was willing to be the forsaken brother so that we could have godly relationships. Jesus was willing to be the crucified King so that our communities would experience peace.
- God is the only properly functioning community in the universe.
- The Trinity is the only adequate model for human community.
- People made in God’s likeness were made for community.
- True human community only arises out of communion with God.
- James 3:9 says,“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness.
- James 4:1: “What causes fights and quarrels among you?
- Micah 6:8 gives us direction regarding our reactions to sin: “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
- Every good relationship we have is a gift of God’s grace.
- Why are we competitive and envious? Why do we struggle to rejoice at another’s blessing?
- Do you hold others to a higher standard than you do yourself?
- Is there evidence that you are looking to your relationships to give you things you have already been given in Christ?
- When I fail to worship God as Savior, I am too casual about my sin and too focused on yours.
- For our of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6:45
- God has an agenda for our relationships.
- Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Ephesians 4:29-30
- Understand that conflict is one way God works in our life.
- When we choose to practice true forgiveness, the relationship is not just brought back to where it was before the offense; it actually moves further down the road to maturity.
- If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18
- As you ponder your true identity in Christ, do you recognize how wealthy you are? This is the only foundation for the kind of radical forgiveness Jesus calls you to practice. Only by grace can you do this.
- The problem with relationships is that they all take place right smack dab in the middle of something, and that something is the story of redemption, God’s plan to turn everything in our lives into instruments of Christlike change and growth. Our relationships are lived between the already and the not yet.
- It takes humility to live with a sinner in a world of difficulty. It takes gentleness to be part of what God is doing in someone’s life and not get in the way. It takes patience to deal with the sin and weakness of those around you. It takes perseverance to be part of change in a relationship because that change is most often a process and rarely an event. It takes forgiveness to move beyond the times you have been mistreated by another. It takes forbearance to continue to love a person, even when you are being provoked. It is hard to respond in kindness when you are treated unkindly. It takes remarkable love to serve the good of the other person and not be distracted by daily needs. (Notice that these character qualities are mentioned throughout the New Testament: Galatians 5:22—26; Ephesians 4:1—3; Philippians 2:1—11; Colossians 3:12—14.)
- Encouragement is an essential skill of a biblically healthy community.
- Encouragement is not just about making people feel and think better; it’s about stimulating spiritual imagination. Encouragement gives struggling people the eyes to see an unseen Christ.
- Words can be powerful or they can be cheap.
- Our theology is on display not in our words, but in how we treat others.
- Circumstances don’t determine whether you serve.
- Our culture feeds us the lie that the main goal in life is to climb the ladder of power and influence. It tells us to look to Donald Trump or others like him if we want to be great. We think that purpose, fulfillment, and meaning are found in ascending. But Jesus says that all those things are found in descending. Jesus and his kingdom are on a collision course with the values of this fallen world, and he is calling us to align with him.
- Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Romans 12:10
- Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10
- Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. Romans 15:7
- Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2
- Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2
- A relationship without mercy is a relationship lived outside biblical borders.
- Mercy is not just something you feel; mercy is something you do. It is a lifestyle, a stance toward others than shapes everything we say and do.
- A commitment to mercy will change your relationships, just as it will change you.
- A commitment to mercy will reveal the treasures of your heart.
- Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:15-21
- The Scriptures enlarge our imagination by helping us see things we don’t normally see.
- When we start working off the same script as God, we function in ways that are truly redemptive.
- Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you. Ephesians 5:14
- What ministry opportunities exist for you with the people God has put in your path?