Mother and Son: The Respect Effect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is truly a must read for the moms of sons. For girls, it’s about LOVE and for boys, it’s about RESPECT. I highlighted several things while reading and have posted those notes below:
His Six Desires: C.H.A.I.R.S. Conquest: Respecting His Desire to Work and AchieveHierarchy: Respecting His Desire to Provide, Protect, and Even Die Authority: Respecting His Desire to Be Strong and to Lead and Make DecisionsInsight: Respecting His Desire to Analyze, Solve, and Counsel Relationship: Respecting His Desire for a Shoulder-to-Shoulder FriendshipSexuality: Respecting His Desire for Sexual Understanding and “Knowing” Location: 130
- A woman responds to love. The woman is in a girl. Therefore, a girl responds to love. A man responds to respect. The man is in a boy. Therefore, a boy responds to respect. Location: 165
- Here’s a simple definition: a mother’s respect is her positive regard toward her son, no matter what he does. Location: 355
- Either a mother will show respect and positive regard toward the spirit of her son while confronting his wrongdoing, or she will show disrespect and negative regard toward the spirit of her son while confronting his sinful choices. There is no third option. Location: 365
- |A mom must maintain positive regard toward the spirit of her son no matter what. Location: 389
- Every mother should see the image of God within her son and honor that image. Every mother should see her son as Jesus sees her son: a willing spirit but weak flesh. Location: 399
- Hostility and contempt eventually lose the child’s heart. Location: 408
- We are to act honorably though they are not honorable. We are respectful though they are not respectable. We do not lose our dignity though they lose their dignity. Location: 431
1. Give so a child’s basic physical needs can be met. 2. Understand so a child is not provoked or exasperated. 3. Instruct so your child can know and apply God’s wisdom. 4. Discipline so your child can correct poor choices. 5. Encourage so your child can courageously develop God-given gifts. 6. Supplicate in prayer so your child can experience God’s touch and truth. Location: 663
- “I seek to Give, Understand, Instruct, Discipline, Encourage, and Supplicate because I respect you.” Location: 915
Who is the man in the boy? The best way to see the man in the making is to recognize the six desires God seeded in your son. God designed him with the desires to . . . 1. work and achieve2. provide for, protect, and even die3. be strong, lead, and make decisions4. analyze, solve, and counsel5. do friendship shoulder-to-shoulder6. sexually understand and know. Location: 1,041Conquest • Hierarchy • Authority • Insight • Relationship • Sexuality Location: 1,056
- Conquest: Can I express appreciation for some pursuit of his? For example, “Billy, I see your commitment to work hard at building that intricate LEGO jet. You amaze me at how you stick with it until you have it all made. I respect that about you.”
- Hierarchy: Can I affirm his desire to protect or provide? For example, “Josh, I appreciate your longing to be protective of your little sister. When a brother protects his sister, it means the world to a mother. I respect that about you.”
- Authority: Can I compliment a good decision he makes? For example, “Jackson, not only do I see you becoming stronger, but I also see your strength to persuade others to do the right thing. You convinced Bill to stop accusing Josh until Josh had a chance to explain his side. High-five it! I respect that about you.”
- Insight: Can I praise an insight that I hear from him? For example, “David, the way you resolved that argument among your buddies today was just short of brilliant. Because you think about treating others as you want to be treated, I see you offering great insight in resolving conflict. I respect that about you.”
- Relationship: Can I respect his desire for friendship, shoulder-to-shoulder? For example, “Brad, your friendships with others amaze me. You are there for your friends, and your friends are there for you. You have each other’s backs. You know how to be a good friend. I respect that about you.”
- Sexuality: Can I support the honorable way he treats the opposite sex? For example, “Johnny, I appreciate your commitment to treat girls the way your dad treats me. I salute you. I respect that about you.” Location: 1,073
- Have you noticed your goodwilled son negatively reacting to you? Do you find him deflating or getting provoked? Reflect for a moment. Decode! Location: 1,353
- The chaplain of Wheaton College, Jim Hutchens, the first clergyman wounded in the Vietnam War, told me, “You need to let boys react naturally before you demand that they learn how to react supernaturally.” Location: 1,580
- Mom: Which do you like to hear more? That I’m proud of you and think you are a strong man, or that I love you? Son: Proud and strong. Location: 2,091
- Proverbs 12:8 says, “A man will be praised according to his insight.” Location: 2,158
- A consultant to schoolteachers said to me, “When I talk to teachers who seem to be successful with boys they (1) expect a lot of the boys; (2) communicate the belief that the boy has it within him to figure it out.” He continued, “One of the things I have learned about problem solving with boys and girls (and probably men and women) is this: if you don’t address the feelings of the girl before offering a solution to a problem, your solution won’t have validity with her. If you don’t ask a boy for a solution before offering a solution, your solution won’t have validity. The reverse doesn’t seem to work (boy with feeling, girl with solution).” Location: 2,260
- A mother never loses her authority by speaking respectfully about the areas in which her son needs to submit to her parenting. Location: 3,382