Book Review | Weep with Me

Lament starts with a humble posture.  It communicates: “I’m here. I’m sad too.  Let’s talk to Jesus, because we need his help.”

Weep with Me by Mark Vroegpop is one of the most helpful books I have read lately on the topic of gospel focused racial reconciliation. I picked up this book late this summer when I noticed the foreword was written by Thabiti Anyabwile, a pastor that I have a lot of respect for. Over the course of this past summer, our nation has seen renewed racial strife that is heartbreaking. I had lunch mid-summer with a dear friend that is farther down the path than I am…a mentor for many years…and she pointed me to the fact that the Lord had given her the word lament. Lament means to truly take on another’s pain and anguish.

Since that conversation with my friend, I’ve read several Scriptures related to lament and recognize that lament isn’t just a general sadness or consternation, but it is a feeling that goes much deeper to the soul. Lament is something that you marinate in so that you can learn, understand, and be changed. My heart breaks for what I see taking place in our nation, but I truly lament the sin in my own heart that could just as easily lead to what I see playing out on the TV screens. Lord Jesus, come quickly!

Vroegpop’s pastor heart is very evident in this book. It is a great balance of gentleness with accountability. There are several things that I read that I won’t be able to forget…and can no longer claim ignorance about. My prayer after reading this book is that the Lord would soften my heart to “weep with those who weep.”

I highlighted several things while reading and have posted those notes below…

  • Romans 12:15-16 “Weep with those who weep.  Live in harmony with one another.” P. 22
  • Prayers in pain lead to trust—together.  Tears, love, and unity replace misunderstanding, distrust, and hurt.  We get glimpses of a heavenly unity. P. 23
  • I’ve cited material I’ve found helpful, but you should not assume that I agree with everything a particular author writes if his or her work is listed in the bibliography.  Exploring racial reconciliation requires balance and wisdom to listen to different viewpoints while still charting a biblically faithful path forward. P. 23
  • Christianity looks stunning to the world and most emulates Jesus when our identity and unity in the gospel are more foundational than any other identity—including our ethnicity. P. 24
  • Lament starts with a humble posture.  It communicates: “I’m here. I’m sad too.  Let’s talk to Jesus, because we need his help.” P. 34
  • Simply stated, a lament is a prayer in pain that leads to trust.
  • The goal of a lament is to recommit oneself to hoping in God, believing his promises, and a godly response to pain, suffering, and injustice. P. 37
  • Laments acknowledge the reality of pain while trusting in God’s promises. P. 37
  • Basics of lament
    • Turn to God
    • Complain
    • Ask
    • Trust: Confidence in God’s trustworthiness is the destination of all laments. P. 40
  • Racial reconciliation is a process.  Lament can be redemptive.  I have found it helpful to think about lament in the context of a fivefold path: love, listen, lament, learn, and leverage. P. 41
  • ”The Psalms allow us to listen in on the soul’s anguish; the spirituals do the same.” Dante Stewart p. 47
  • Lament gives us a way to vocalize the complicated emotions connected to racial reconciliation. P. 49
  • Spirituals, like lament psalms, identify with pain while pointing people to hope. P. 56
  • Four Ways Spirituals Help Us
    • A Broader View of History
    • Humble, Respectful Listening: James 1:19 “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to get angry”
    • Honoring the Depths of Sorrow
    • Personalizing Lament: Lament opens a door for us to walk together under the banner of Jesus. P. 59
  • Lament is a helpful starting point.  It can bridge the divide of mistrust and sensitivity.  If we’ll commit to loving one another, listening to each other, and lamenting together in the body of Christ, racial reconciliation can start to happen. P. 74
  • ”The Bible tells us to weep with those who weep; it doesn’t tell us to judge whether they should be weeping.” H.B. Charles, Jr. p. 79
  • God doesn’t redeem at a distance. P. 80
  • We empathize not because we fully understand but because we have been freely loved by Christ. P. 82
  • Lament is the prayer language of empathy. P. 82
  • Why do you hide your face? Why do you forget our affliction and oppression? For our soul is bowed down to the dust; our belly clings to the ground. Psalm 44:24-25
  • O Lord, how long shall the wicked, how long shall the wicked exult? They pour out their arrogant words; all the evildoers boast.  They crush your people, O Lord, and afflict your heritage. Psalm 94:3-5
  • Empathetic lament creates a community. P. 83
  • Lament pulls the pain close. P. 86
  • Racial reconciliation is possible only in the context of relationships. P. 88
  • You have seen, O Lord; be not silent! O Lord, be not far from me! Psalm 35:22
  • Lament could be a way to end our silence. P. 97
  • Six Reasons Why We Choose Silence:
    • Fear
    • Uncertainty
    • Wounds
    • Ignorance
    • Selfishness
    • Racism
  • Silence can become a passive weapon of superiority. P. 100
  • How Lament Helps
    • It Acknowledges the Brokenness of the World
      • Pain births lament.  It deals honestly with the real world.  Lament candidly identifies the brokenness around us and in us.  It acknowledges the gap between God’s design for the world and our experience.  Lament is the way the Bible talks about life in a sinful world. P. 102
    • It Refuses to Remain Silent
      • Lament is the voice of grief when we’re tempted to remain silent.  It helps when we don’t know what to say. P. 103
    • It Seeks God’s Help
      • Laments keep looking to God. P. 104
  • Silence isn’t merely hurtful; it can be complicit. P. 105
  • ”We lament and repudiate historic acts of evil such as slavery from which we continue to reap a bitter harvest, and we recognize that the racism which yet plagues our culture today is inextricably tied to the past.” Resolution in Racial Reconciliation, Southern Baptist Convention (1995) p. 109
  • I acknowledge by sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Psalm 32:5
  • Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Psalm 51:2-3
  • ”I don’t need all white people to feel guilty about the 1950’s and 60’s—especially those who weren’t even alive.  But I do need all of us to suspect that sin isn’t done working it’s way through society. I do need all my neighbors—especially from my brothers and sisters in Christ—to recognize that no sin has ever been eliminated from the world and certainly not eliminated simply with the passage of time and a willingness of some people to act as if it was never there.“ Thabiti Anyabwile p. 122
  • Lament empowers Christians to express sorrow over sin so reconciliation can begin. P. 123
  • Lament is the language of exiles. P. 135
  • Lament provides a path to rise above the discouragement. P. 135
  • If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.  When I thought, “My foot slips,” your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. Psalm 94:17-18
  • ”Most African Americans have had at least two lifealtering experiences that are burned into their memory—the moment they realized they were black and the moment they realized that was a problem.” Eric Mason, p. 149
  • As lament becomes a more familiar step in your response to hurt, it can help to prevent the poisonous mist of bitterness from infecting your life.  Lament validates a painful experience without making it your identity.  Michael Card says: “We all carry deep within ourselves a pressurized reservoir of tears. It takes only the right key at the right time to unlock them…In God’s perfect time, through lament, when these tears are released, they can form a vast healing flood.” P. 154
  • Lament drops an emotional anchor in the character of God. P. 155
  • I will never forget this awful time…Yet I still dare to hope. Lamentations 3:20-21
  • In the midst of a social media frenzy about a racial topic, Bryan Lorritts tweeted a helpful caution: “Don’t just be prophetic in your denunciations of racism, also be pastoral.  We need prophetic courage and pastoral conversations.” P. 167
  • When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. 1 Peter 2:23 p. 175
  • What’s next?
    • PERSONAL
      • Rehearse the biblical vision: Memorize Paul’s words about Christian identity in Colossians 3:5-11
      • Practice lament
      • Build relationships
      • Grow in your understanding
      • Engage where you are
      • Don’t stop
    • CORPORATE
      • Teach biblical unity in diversity
      • Model lament
      • Mourn together at critical moments
      • Create venues for dialogue
      • Intentionally celebrate and create diversity
      • Advocate for change

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