“Begin again with the end in mind. Only parenting done as unto Christ will last. Truly, this is all about you and the legacy you leave your family.” Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect in the Family
About three years ago, I read Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and reviewed it here. That book really helped shape my thinking on the roles of the husband and the wife in a marriage. I was excited to see that Dr. Eggerichs has also written a book for families, Love and Respect in the Family. I received a copy of this book to review on my blog. Love and Respect in the Family is full of encouragement for parents that desire to honor the Lord in their families. The main reason this book was such a blessing to me is that it is chock full of Scripture that continually points the reader to Jesus. I would recommend this book to parents of kids of any age as the truths within are timeless and applicable to many different stages of life.
As the mom of a 5 year old daughter that I love just after Jesus and my husband…I desire to point my daughter to Jesus every single day in the way that I parent her. This book has given me a renewed commitment to this endeavor. My husband and I are reminded every day that God has blessed us with our daughter and we just get one chance to do this right. I’ve highlighted several things in Love and Respect in the Family that I know I will regularly refer to in this great adventure of parenting.
- Kids need love. Parents need respect.
- The good news is that when children feel loved, they are motivated to respond positively to parents, and when parents feel respected, they are energized to be lovingly affectionate with their kids. When these needs are met, good things happen in the family.
- “Honor your father and your mother.” Exodus 20:12
- Titus 2:4
- Proverbs 22:15
- We all need to pray that simple prayer: “Lord, help me respond, not react.”
- Romans 2:21
- 1 Samuel 17:33
- Proverbs 15:13
- Proverbs 18:14
- “Fathers, do not exasperate your children.” Colossians 3:21
- Matthew 18:10-11
- Ephesians 5:10
- The first step in decoding is to discern what is happening at two levels:
1. What is going on in my child’s heart?
2. What is going on in my heart, really? - 2 Timothy 3:2
- Psalm 25:7
- Proverbs 14:29
- God wired children to need love.
- God wired parents to need respect.
- Ephesians 2:3
- “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” Proverbs 17:14
- Proverbs 19:11
- “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.” Proverbs 10:12
- “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.” Proverbs 15:18
- 1 Corinthians 14:20
- “Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel.” Proverbs 20:3
- Deuteronomy 1:39
- Isaiah 66:13
- An apology is heart surgery.
- Psalm 25:7
- Luke 15:32
- A parent’s love motivates a child’s respect and a child’s respect motivates a parent’s love.
- Give, so that a child’s basic needs can be met.
Understand, so that a child is not provoked or exasperated.
Instruct, so that your child can know and apply God’s wisdom.
Discipline, so that your child can correct poor choices.
Encourage, so that your child can develop God-given gifts.
Supplicate in prayer, so that your child can experience God’s touch and truth. - 2 Corinthians 12:14
- “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8
- “A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” Proverbs 11:25
- “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights.” James 1:17
- “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Matthew 6:26
- “A bribe corrupts the heart.” Ecclesiastes 7:7
- Philippians 4:19
- “Keep these instructions without partiality, and do nothing out of favoritism.” 1 Timothy 5:21
- “Honor the Lord from your wealth and from the first of all your produce.” Proverbs 3:9
- “Be understanding. Love one another like members of the same family.” 1 Peter 3:8
- True maturity seeks to serve the other person, not vice versa.
- How do I understand my children so they feel loved and are also motivated to act respectfully toward me?
- “Broken promises are worse than rain clouds that don’t bring rain.” Proverbs 25:14
- James 3:6
- “Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak.” James 1:19
- “Answering before listening is both stupid and rude.” Proverbs 18:13
- “He who restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.” Proverbs 17:27
- Do I unconsciously make my children responsible for my emotional well-being and happiness?
- Matthew 11:17
- “Beware of the barrenness of a busy life.” Socrates
- “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.” Hebrews 4:15
- Deuteronomy 6:7
- “Bring them up in the instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4
- “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.” Proverbs 1:8
- “From childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness.” 2 Timothy 3:15-16
- “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ.” Romans 10:17
- “Instruct your children in the sacred writings to give them wisdom ‘that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.’” 2 Timothy 3:15
- Proverbs 1:2-3
- Proverbs 14:12
- Proverbs 15:2
- Proverbs 3:1
- Pray without ceasing as you go about fulfilling God’s call to bring your children up in the instruction of the Lord.
- “Wise discipline imparts wisdom.” Proverbs 29:15
- Proverbs 19:18
- “For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them.” Hebrews 12:10
- “This is the way, walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21
- “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful.” Hebrews 12:11
- “Those whom the Lord loves he disciplines.” Hebrews 12:6
- We discipline because we care.
- Hebrews 12:9
- Create rules that are clear and fair.
Confront and correct without anger.
Enact consequences when necessary.
Reward obedience and reaffirm love no matter what. - “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.” Luke 6:31
- “A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them.” Proverbs 13:24
- “A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.” Proverbs 12:16
- “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11
- 1 Samuel 3:13
- “Be angry and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” Ephesians 4:26
- Colossians 3:25
- Proverbs 1:31
- Proverbs 23:13
- 1 Corinthians 4:14
- Enacting discipline is a parent’s toughest job. For this reason we must commit ourselves to this parenting axiom: I will follow through on these consequences because I love my children too much to let them consciously and willfully disobey what they know is the right thing to do.
- Encouragement is foundational for children to succeed as God intends in this world. The Lord has designed all kids to need encouragement.
- Luke 15:31-32
- “He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles.” Proverbs 21:23 p.
- “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24 p
- Proverbs 25:11
- 1 Chronicles 28:20
- Encourage them as life happens.
- Encourage who they are and what they do.
- Encourage who and what they can become.
- Ecclesiastes 1:9
- Proverbs 12:25
- Look for instances when you “catch them doing something right” and tell them so.
- “It is by his deeds that a lad distinguishes himself if his conduct is pure and right.” Proverbs 20:11
- Matthew 20:20-21
- “For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again.” Proverbs 24:16
- 2 Samuel 12:16
- “From childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation.” 2 Timothy 3:15
- 1 Chronicles 29:19
- “Now, little children, abide in Him, so that when He appears, we may have confidence and not shrink away from Him in shame at His coming.” 1 John 2:28
- “You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4
- “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.” Matthew 18:6
- Ezra 8:21
- Isaiah 38:19
- When a parent has authentic faith and is enjoying the Lord, it’s contagious!
- “But if any of you lack wisdom, you should pray to God, who will give it to you; because God gives generously and graciously to all. But when you pray, you must believe and not doubt at all.” James 1:5
- Lamentations 2:19
- “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.” Ecclesiastes 4:9
- “Iron sharpens iron, so one sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17
- John 17:21
- “If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.” Mark 3:25
- Malachi 2:14
- We do our marriage (and our parenting) as unto Christ
- The right order is God first, then our marriage, then our kids. When we have this straight, good thing sharpen in the hearts of our children.
- 1 Corinthians 7:33
- 1 Peter 3:7
- “As ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” Matthew 25:40
- Romans 12:2
- Revelation 22:12
- “That from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” Colossians 3:24
- “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!” Matthew 25:23
- “Without the help of the Lord it is useless to build a home.” Psalm 127:1
- “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15
- “Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me; O Lord, be my helper.” Psalm 30:10
- “Apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
- Luke 6:32
- Romans 12:17
- Romans 8:26
- “Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,says the Lord of hosts.” Zechariah 4:6
- Psalm 118:7
- Romans 1:30
- 2 Timothy 3:2
- When we parent unto Christ, will our focus be on what God calls us to be, or will we shift our attention to trying to control the hearts and souls of our children?
- “The reward of humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, honor, and life.” Proverbs 22:4
- “When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.” 2 Corinthians 10:12
- 1 Samuel 2:29-30
- My response is my responsibility.
- Titus 2:4-6
- Proverbs 10:1
- What kind of legacy will you leave?
- 1 Corinthians 4:5
- “So teach us to number of days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12
- “God will reward each one according to the work each has done.” 1 Corinthians 3:8
- Begin again with the end in mind. Only parenting done as unto Christ will last. Truly, this is all about you and the legacy you leave your family.