Why I Don’t Wear Turtlenecks

This post is dedicated to all of you who have ever wondered…”Why doesn’t Megan Strange ever wear turtlenecks??”  This question comes up a lot this time of year when such a garment might come in handy to keep the neck warm.  I feel like it is time for me to finally come clean and not leave you all hanging anymore about this.

When I was growing up, my Mom often went out of her way to be particularly creative with the outfits she put together for my brother, sister, and I…especially around the holidays.  It is important to remember that I grew up in the mid-1980′s.  History commonly refers to this time period as “the puff paint revolution.”  My Mom did all that she could to make sure that the three kiddos in her house always had the appropriate holiday puff paint sweatshirts.  Can you imagine what it would have been like to go out without those puff paint sweatshirts?  I can’t either.  And she was good…the Christmas ones often included jingle bells just in case the puff paint alone wasn’t enough to draw your attention.  We had them for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and St. Patrick’s Day.  Praise the Lord that puff paint sweatshirts would have been a bit too warm for Easter, Fourth of July, etc.  That gave us at least a brief respite from the sweatshirts.  They were beautiful…but could be a bit overwhelming if not worn in moderation.

I give you all the background on the magnificent puff paint sweatshirts in an effort to help you understand a portion of the awesome outfit, but this just leads me to the discussion about the turtlenecks that I avoid to this day.  When we were growing up, we didn’t have tons of extra money and my Mom was always all over a deal like ants at a picnic.  This is where the turtleneck trauma comes in.  Each year around the beginning of October, Target would always put their turtlenecks out for sale.  They would usually sell them for something like $3 a piece so my Mom could buy all 12 colors for all three kids.  I’m not sure if they were boy turtlenecks or girl turtlenecks…but she always bought the same ones for all three of us, so I guess turtlenecks must be unisex creatures.

We had to have many different colors of turtlenecks to go with all of the exquisite puff paint sweatshirts.  Obviously for Halloween we needed both orange and black.  You would think that you could wear the orange again for Thanksgiving, but obviously that requires a different color orange.  You could also count on brown for Turkey day.  For Christmas, we made room in our closets for both red and green turtlenecks.  Please keep in mind that we were purists, none of the printed turtlenecks…these were the straight up solid color ones.  Valentines’s and St. Patrick’s Day could probably use the same red and green from Christmas unless something crazy had been spilled on it…we always bought backups for my sister…actually we still do.

As you can tell, I spent the better part of my life wearing turtlenecks with puff paint sweatshirts.  I was obviously the raddest kid on the block and could see the jealousy in the eyes of my friends at most times.  Whenever I spot a turtleneck…to this day…it brings back a mixture of fond holiday memories with my awesome family…and also a strange, warm, neck-itching, frantic, claustrophobic sensation.

I don’t think I could possibly top any of my holiday outfits from the mid-80′s, so as a result, I have decided to stay away from purchasing any turtlenecks as an adult.  I walked into Target in Acworth the other night and ran across the display that is pictured above.  When you walk past this display, please remember that this would not be a good Christmas gift for me.  Thank you for understanding.

One Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>