As a Christian school administrator, I often sit across from parents in a new student interview and let them know that we value their interest in their school because “you just get one chance to do this right with your child. You will have to stand before God one day and give an account for the choices you made about how to raise them.” When a parent partners with our school, we take very seriously the trust that they have placed in us to stand in their stead as an authority in the life of their child.
I read this book first as a parent that desires to make the most of every opportunity with my kids to raise them for the glory of God and the good of others. There are so many books, videos, conferences, and other publications that are vying for the attention of parents. Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp stands head and shoulders above the rest because it is a text that takes the reader straight back to what God’s word says about discipline in the context of discipleship and biblical authority. Secondly I benefitted from this book as an educator that truly desires to partner with parents during the exciting high school years.
This book was a great read because Dr. Tripp shares Scripture first and then shares some ideas of how to apply the text and anecdotes of where he has applied these with his own children or in the lives of others that he knows. I also really appreciate that he spends a fair amount of time talking about where he messed up and had to ask for forgiveness of the Lord and his own children as they were growing up. I really appreciate his authenticity…parenting is certainly not for the faint of heart!
I highlighted several things while reading and have pasted them below…
- Our culture has lost its way with respect to parenting. We are a rudderless ship without a compass. We lack both a sense of direction and the capacity to direct ourselves.
- The only safe guide is the Bible. It is the revelation of a god who has infinite knowledge and can therefore give you absolute truth. God has given you a revelation that is robust and complete. it presents an accurate and comprehensive picture of children, parents, family life, values, training, nurture, and discipline—all you need to be equipped for the task of parenting.
- The parenting task is multifaceted. It involves being a kind authority, shepherding your children to understand themselves in God’s world, and keeping the gospel in clear view so your children can internalize the good news and someday live in mutuality with you as people under God.
- Proverbs 13:20 says, “He who walks with the wise becomes wise.” As a wise parent your objective is not simply to discuss, but to demonstrate the freshness and vitality of a life lived in integrity toward God and your family. Parenting is shepherding the hearts of your children in the ways of God’s wisdom.
- The law of God is not easy for natural man. Its standard is high and cannot be achieved apart from God’s supernatural grace. God’s law teaches us our need of grace. When you fail to hold out God’s standard, you rob your children of the mercy of the gospel.
- The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6:45
- Two broad sets of issues affecting our children…
1. The child and his relationship to the shaping influences of life.
2. The child and his relationship to God. - The person your child becomes is a product of two things. The first is his life experience. The second is how he interacts with that experience.
- See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. (Colossians 2:8) Are the values of your home based on human tradition and the basic principles of this world or on Christ?
- The question is not “will he worship?” It is always “whom will he worship?”
- Freedom is not found in autonomy, it is found in obedience. (Psalm 119:44-45)
- Unholy anger— anger over the fact that you are not getting what you want from your child— will muddy the waters of discipline. Anger that your child is not doing what you want frames discipline as a problem between parent and child, not as a problem between the child and God. It is God who is not being obeyed when you are disobeyed. It is God who is not being honored when you are not honored. The issue is not an interpersonal contest, it is rather your insistence that your child obey God, because obeying God is good and right.
- My dear brothers, take not of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James 1:19-20
- He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding. Proverbs 15:32
- How can you teach your children to function in God’s kingdom, where it is the servant who leads, if you teach them how to make the people in their world serve them?
- What happens to the child who is trained to do all the appropriate things? When being well-mannered is severed from biblical roots in servanthood, manners becomes a classy tool of manipulation.
- Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you” Psalm 73:25
- The self-love and self-trust our culture proffers always turns the heart away from God.
- A biblical worldview dictates that you should teach your children to exercise and care for their bodies as an expression of stewardship for God’s gifts. Abilities should be developed because God has given the stewardship of talents and special capacities. Skills that would make your children more able to serve and open channels of ministry to others should be encouraged.
- Knowing that gifts and abilities are a stewardship from the Lord, your child’s objective should be faithfulness. You need to train your child to find in Christ the strength and power to work for God’s glory. Anything else is training him to think and act unbiblically.
- Biblical discipline addresses behavior through addressing the heart.
- God is not only concerned with the “what” of parroting, he is concerned with the “how”.
- The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. Proverbs 20:5
- A regular habit of talking together prepares the way for talking in strained situations. You will never have the hearts of your children if you talk with them only when something has gone wrong.
- Communication is the art of expressing in godly ways what is in my heart and of hearing completely and understanding what another thinks and feels.
- No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11
- Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James 1:20
- Correction and shepherding must focus on Christ. It is only in Christ that the child who has strayed and has experienced conviction of sin may find hope, forgiveness, salvation, and power to live.
- Obedience is the willing submission of one person to the authority of another. It means more than a child doing what he is told. It means doing what he is told— Without Challenge, Without Excuse, and Without Delay.
- You must be a person of long-term vision. You must see your children’s need for shepherding, not simply in terms of the here and now, but in terms of long-range vision.
- The reason for shepherding their hearts—appealing to the conscience, focusing on character issues in correction and discipline, addressing the heart as the spring of life, and refusing to give them a keepable standard that would eliminate their need of Christ—is to see them come to know God. You want to recognize their need of God, to embrace Christ, and to see their life in light of the Kingdom of God.
- The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction. (Proverbs 16:21) Pleasant words grease the wheels of instruction.
- Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24
- A wise man’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. Proverbs 16:23
- In the final analysis, you must entrust your children to God. How they turn out will depend on more than what you have done in providing shaping influences. It will depend on the nature of their Godward commitment. Ultimately, you leave them to God, knowing that you can entrust your children to the God who has dealt so graciously with you.